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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Nigerian dumps once every seven weeks

The rest of the time he just passes gas!

Must be a shortseller!!

Story:
SANUSi Ibrahim, age 46, foes to the toilet once in every seven weeks. No, he does soil himself. He just has no need to go. As Nigeria’s Sun newspaper tells us:
Tall, lanky, active and friendly Sanusi Ibrahim, 46, is telling anybody who cares to listen with pride that he does not excrete as they do. That he is at home with any kind of consumable food he chooses to ingest at anytime of the day. Sanusi says he could demolish double the ratio his contemporaries devour:
“I don’t tolerate hunger for one moment. That’s why I ensure that there’s always something edible by my side even when I am not at home.”
He’s a marvel:
But there is another oddity peculiar to Sanusi. The smelly, gaseous air content he discharges in quick succession everyday leaves him as a man whose rate of flatulence is unequalled.
Says he:
“Instead of going to toilet, I just find solace in passing out very, very loud and offensive gas, one round after another for some moments in order to get a relief. I do this at my convenient time and location without causing discomfort to people around me.
“That’s why if I am together with you and you see me moving away, don’t complain because it’s in your own interest. I do that, else you regret being near me.
“I pass excreta once in seven weeks or thereabout and this is not causing me to fall ill at all. And after all this long time when the shit comes, it is as short as my index finger, only that it is very fat and as hard as a stone. That is the cause of my predicament, because it pains me while passing through my anus. The symptom of its arrival is also a very painful feeling at my two upper ribs. Whenever it is two days for me to start feeling like going to the toilet, my two ribs will begin to pain me. It is as painful as labour of a pregnant woman because within the period, I will almost lose my senses.”
Senses?
“That is why sometime, in spite of the pain I go through in my ribs, I defer going to toilet for as long as two days until it goes beyond my control. And in most cases, even my family members do not witness when I go to toilet. I have it as a habit to go to a distant place away from the city to excrete so that I can see what exactly comes out of my stomach. But nothing seems to be different all these years.”
Prunes?
“My problem started since my secondary school days when I was about 17 years of age during the middle years of my schooling. It started with the same symptom I pass through and the same type of excreta I discharge. Since then, I have never suffered from any ailment, although some people are insinuating that it is a problem from some evil spirit (jinn).
“As for the treatment, I have gone to the hospital several times. I have seen various medical doctors, Mallams and traditional healers, all to no avail. As a matter of fact, I am only bothered with this problem because of the pains I go through whenever I go to the toilet. It is not because I don’t go to toilet like other people do.”
What about sex?
“What? That is where you don’t know my hidden wonders. In fact, my financial constraint is the only reason why I am not having four wives. But naturally I am too much for one.”

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

no wonder he's so brown.